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Tuesday Tutorial – Curtains!

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OK.  I know that making curtains must be pretty easy.  It basically consists of hemming a rectangle or something.  But I’ve never tried it.  And now…I need one.  You’re going to laugh when I tell you why.  Plants.  “But, Lizzie,” you say, “you kill plants with the greatest of ease!”  I know I do.  BUT, during a recent Target run, Ryan ran across something he wanted.  I’m a little embarrassed to say what it is because it makes us both look a little weird.  Regardless, here I go…cat grass.  No, I don’t mean we’re growing weed in our apartment.  Ryan read that it’s good for cats to eat grass because [whatever reason he said – I can’t remember].  Of course, they’re packaged in hideous little throw-away containers.  Ugh.  But I just kinda thought that he’d either forget about them completely or that they’d join the circle of life that most plants do in our apartment and would quickly die.  Apparently, Ryan isn’t nearly the killer of plants that I am and when he gets an idea in his head, he makes it happen.  You guys, that dumb grass is growing like nuts.  And to make matters worse, he plunked the plastic containers WITH PAPER PLATES UNDERNEATH on the kitchen window sill so that they can get some light in the black hole that is our apartment.  And not even cute Ikea paper plates.  The kind with grapes and grape leaves.  Blecht.  See below:

(Side note – do you eat off paper plates a lot?  I’m not talking to those of you who have small children or are having huge backyard barbeques.  I get eating off of paper plates then.  I don’t get it when it’s dinner and SOMEONE (I won’t say who – Ryan) insists on using a paper plate so that he doesn’t dirty a real plate.  What?  Why do we own real plates?  Has our old and slightly chipped Target dinnerware suddenly become fine china that is only to be hauled out for fancy celebrations?  Every day with me is a celebration!!!! (I can’t even say that with a straight face).  What is the next step in this process – we just start pouring food directly down our gullets so that we don’t dirty our hands and lips?  I am a civilized human being and, after a long day of work, I’d like to sip my expensive champagne (diet soda) out of a flute (regular glass) instead of a red cup.  Red cups are reserved for the times when a group of us are roaming the neighborhood hiding our alcoholic drinks from the police.  Duh.  Plus, we have a dishwasher.  And by dishwasher, I don’t mean my two hands and some dish soap!  GAH!  I digress…)

ANYWAY, to top things off, our apartment came fully loaded with those dreaded vertical blinds (can someone tell me why those things have to be so ugly?) and the view from our kitchen window is the neighbor across the parking garage looking out his kitchen window.  Like 25 feet away.  I’ll admit that I’m very bad spatially, so it could be 50 or 100 feet.  We’ll just leave it at being very close.  You can kinda see it in the picture above – that’s the neighbor’s balcony in the background.  So, since Ryan put the too-large containers (on paper plates – grrrrr) on the too-small window sill, it is virtually impossible to shut the blinds.  And THAT means, I have to see the neighbor when I’m rinsing a pot in the sink.  Naked.  HA!  Kidding.  I don’t do dishes naked.  The world hopes…  Is this all too confusing or are you getting a mental picture?

ANYWAY, this led me to some research and I came up with two DIY ideas – short curtains or a roman shade. 

Roman shades.  These seem like the best idea, but…when the mini blinds came out in the tutorial, my eyes glazed over a bit.  Still a definite possibility.

Lined curtains.  I think I could pull these off.  But in order for the whole privacy/plant light (stupid photosynthesis) thing to work, a curtain might be a bit wonky to make work.  It would basically have to be open which would defeat the purpose.

Hence…

Cheater roman shades.  Done.  Anything that makes me feel like I’m getting away with something is always a plus.  And I would LOVE this fabric which is, irritatingly enough, a sheet.  Whatever. 

I may have to “live with” the vertical blinds for a little while since I’m backed up with projects.  Until then, I’ll be doing a lot of pretending that I don’t see my neighbor while he’s sitting 10 feet (200 feet?) away from me on his balcony.

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