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The Muppet Show

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A couple of days ago, I had a dream that Wayne Brady read my blog and mentioned it on HIS blog and I became famous.  His favorite post from my blog – the one about The Muppet Show.  Don’t say I’m crazy.  Everyone dreams about Wayne Brady once in a while.  Admit it.  His appearance on The Chappelle Show…priceless.

So, I figure that if Wayne Brady liked my post about The Muppet Show so much, maybe I should just go ahead and write one.  I mean, I LOVED The Muppet Show as a kid.   Saturday Night WHAT?  Yeah, The Muppets showed you how it’s DONE!  Ok, I just looked it up and SNL was actually first, but whatever.  The Muppet Show was THE BUSINESS!!!  Fozzie…you lovable buffoon.  Of course, while The Muppet Show was filled with the same muppet creatures as Sesame Street, looking back, the ones on The Muppet Show were definitely for adults as well.  I mean, Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem????  This is Dr. Teeth:

Ummmm…HE’S GOT A GOLD TOOTH AND A PINKIE RING, YOU GUYS! He looks like a mix between Huggy Bear from Starsky & Hutch and George Clinton.

And Janice was totally high.  All.  The.  Time.

I’m not even going to go into how it seemed like Animal was constantly amped up on angel dust or something* .  He was a total nutter!  Although I LOVED him.  Either my cousin or I had him as a puppet (or would that just be a muppet?).  The face part was hard plastic inside and it was really hard to work his mouth.  Like hard enough to just put it down and realize it would be more fun to play Hungry, Hungry Hippos.  But I would have given my SOUL for an Animal drum set.

I feel like everyone was always a really big Miss Piggy fan (my friend read her autobiography as a kid, which is HIGHLARIOUS), but I honestly always thought she was super mean to Kermit and it really bothered me.  I get that she was a “diva,” but I’m going to just put it out there – she was a pig.  Have you ever heard the saying “it’s like putting lipstick on a pig?”  Yeah, she had lipstick on.  And her voice was so man-ish.  I’m kidding.  I know her voice was done by a man.  But I’m still serious about her being a cold-hearted snake/pig.  Side note – I had an English teacher in high school who, unfortunately for her, looked JUST LIKE Miss Piggy.  I mean, the bouncy blonde disco hair and pink cheeks.  Poor lady.

Another awesome character – Gonzo the Great:

GAH!  He said his first stunt was his birth!  HA!  Rim shot!  I loved him so much.  But, I’ll be honest.  He was a poor man’s Grover IMHO.  I love Grover.  This was my first album.

Ummm…The Freaking BEE-GEES sang the main song!!!!  And you were instructed about Doin’ the Pigeon!  You guys…awesome!  Amirite??

But back to The Muppet Show. Am I alone when I say that some of the characters kinda bugged me, though?  The Swedish Chef?  Bork, bork, bork!  It got old.  We get it, you don’t speak English and you cook Swedish meatballs.  And Beaker was just downright weird.  He was someone who you wouldn’t be surprised if you found out thirty years later that there was a body buried under his back porch.  I know people are going to fight me on both of those, but I don’t care.

Now that I’m MUCH older (has anybody seen my teeth?), I realize that I definitely identify with these two men.  In fact, my friend and I always say we ARE these two men:

Statler & Waldorf.  I’ll admit that I had to look up their names.  They’re described as ornery, disagreeable old men.  Yep.  That’s me.  Well, not the man part.  Oh, if I could only sit up in a theater box and comment on all I survey.  Life would be grand.

So Wayne, I’ll be waiting for your call.  Or your assistant’s call.  I know how things work in this town.

*Why is PCP called angel dust?  It doesn’t seem very angelic.


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